TED演講:如何成為一個更好的交談者？如何成為一個好的交談者?我們一定聽過很多這方面的建議，例如：要看著對方的眼睛，提前想好可以討論的有趣話題，注視和點頭并且微笑來表明你的專注，重復你剛才聽到的，或者做總結等。本次TED演講者CelesteHeadlee女士認為這些技巧完全沒用，我們可以將它們丟在一邊，因為如果你交談時確實很專心的話，就根本沒必要去學習如何表現(xiàn)你很專心的技巧。讓我們洗耳聆聽她這次給大家?guī)淼淖钚乱彩亲顚嵱藐P于如何成為更好交談者的十條建議吧。Whenyourjobhingesonhowwellyoutalktopeople,youlearnalotabouthowtohaveconversations—andthatmostofusdon'tconverseverywell.CelesteHeadleehasworkedasaradiohostfordecades,andsheknowstheingredientsofagreatconversation:Honesty,brevity,clarityandahealthyamountoflistening.Inthisinsightfultalk,sheshares10usefulrulesforhavingbetterconversations."Goout,talktopeople,listentopeople,"shesays."And,mostimportantly,bepreparedtobeamazed."TED演講英文文稿：TED演講中文文稿：00:11Allright,Iwanttoseeashowofhands:howmanyofyouhaveunfriendedsomeoneonFacebookbecausetheysaidsomethingoffensiveaboutpoliticsorreligion,childcare,food?00:22(Laughter)00:24Andhowmanyofyouknowatleastonepersonthatyouavoidbecauseyoujustdon'twanttotalktothem?00:29(Laughter)00:31Youknow,itusedtobethatinordertohaveapoliteconversation,wejusthadtofollowtheadviceofHenryHigginsin"MyFairLady":Sticktotheweatherandyourhealth.Butthesedays,withclimatechangeandanti-vaxxing,thosesubjects--00:43(Laughter)00:45arenotsafeeither.Sothisworldthatwelivein,thisworldinwhicheveryconversationhasthepotentialtodevolveintoanargument,whereourpoliticianscan'tspeaktooneanotherandwhereeventhemosttrivialofissueshavesomeonefightingbothpassionatelyforitandagainstit,it'snotnormal.PewResearchdidastudyof10,000Americanadults,andtheyfoundthatatthismoment,wearemorepolarized,wearemoredivided,thanweeverhavebeeninhistory.We'relesslikelytocompromise,whichmeanswe'renotlisteningtoeachother.Andwemakedecisionsaboutwheretolive,whotomarryandevenwhoourfriendsaregoingtobe,basedonwhatwealreadybelieve.Again,thatmeanswe'renotlisteningtoeachother.Aconversationrequiresabalancebetweentalkingandlistening,andsomewherealongtheway,welostthatbalance.01:34Now,partofthatisduetotechnology.Thesmartphonesthatyoualleitherhaveinyourhandsorcloseenoughthatyoucouldgrabthemreallyquickly.AccordingtoPewResearch,aboutathirdofAmericanteenagerssendmorethanahundredtextsaday.Andmanyofthem,almostmostofthem,aremorelikelytotexttheirfriendsthantheyaretotalktothemfacetoface.There'sthisgreatpieceinTheAtlantic.ItwaswrittenbyahighschoolteachernamedPaulBarnwell.Andhegavehiskidsacommunicationproject.Hewantedtoteachthemhowtospeakonaspecificsubjectwithoutusingnotes.Andhesaidthis:"Icametorealize..."02:07(Laughter)02:11"Icametorealizethatconversationalcompetencemightbethesinglemostoverlookedskillwefailtoteach.Kidsspendhourseachdayengagingwithideasandeachotherthroughscreens,butrarelydotheyhaveanopportunitytohonetheirinterpersonalcommunicationsskills.Itmightsoundlikeafunnyquestion,butwehavetoaskourselves:Isthereany21st-centuryskillmoreimportantthanbeingabletosustaincoherent,confidentconversation?"02:38Now,Imakemylivingtalkingtopeople:NobelPrizewinners,truckdrivers,billionaires,kindergartenteachers,headsofstate,plumbers.ItalktopeoplethatIlike.ItalktopeoplethatIdon'tlike.ItalktosomepeoplethatIdisagreewithdeeplyonapersonallevel.ButIstillhaveagreatconversationwiththem.SoI'dliketospendthenext10minutesorsoteachingyouhowtotalkandhowtolisten.03:03Manyofyouhavealreadyheardalotofadviceonthis,thingslikelookthepersonintheeye,thinkofinterestingtopicstodiscussinadvance,look,nodandsmiletoshowthatyou'repayingattention,repeatbackwhatyoujustheardorsummarizeit.SoIwantyoutoforgetallofthat.Itiscrap.03:23(Laughter)03:26Thereisnoreasontolearnhowtoshowyou'repayingattentionifyouareinfactpayingattention.03:34(Laughter)03:35(Applause)03:38Now,IactuallyusetheexactsameskillsasaprofessionalinterviewerthatIdoinregularlife.So,I'mgoingtoteachyouhowtointerviewpeople,andthat'sactuallygoingtohelpyoulearnhowtobebetterconversationalists.Learntohaveaconversationwithoutwastingyourtime,withoutgettingbored,and,pleaseGod,withoutoffendinganybody.03:59We'veallhadreallygreatconversations.We'vehadthembefore.Weknowwhatit'slike.Thekindofconversationwhereyouwalkawayfeelingengagedandinspired,orwhereyoufeellikeyou'vemadearealconnectionoryou'vebeenperfectlyunderstood.Thereisnoreasonwhymostofyourinteractionscan'tbelikethat.04:17SoIhave10basicrules.I'mgoingtowalkyouthroughallofthem,buthonestly,ifyoujustchooseoneofthemandmasterit,you'llalreadyenjoybetterconversations.04:26Numberone:Don'tmultitask.AndIdon'tmeanjustsetdownyourcellphoneoryourtabletoryourcarkeysorwhateverisinyourhand.Imean,bepresent.Beinthatmoment.Don'tthinkaboutyourargumentyouhadwithyourboss.Don'tthinkaboutwhatyou'regoingtohavefordinner.Ifyouwanttogetoutoftheconversation,getoutoftheconversation,butdon'tbehalfinitandhalfoutofit.04:49Numbertwo:Don'tpontificate.Ifyouwanttostateyouropinionwithoutanyopportunityforresponseorargumentorpushbackorgrowth,writeablog.05:01(Laughter)05:04Now,there'sareallygoodreasonwhyIdon'tallowpunditsonmyshow:Becausethey'rereallyboring.Ifthey'reconservative,they'regoingtohateObamaandfoodstampsandabortion.Ifthey'reliberal,they'regoingtohatebigbanksandoilcorporationsandDickCheney.Totallypredictable.Andyoudon'twanttobelikethat.Youneedtoentereveryconversationassumingthatyouhavesomethingtolearn.ThefamedtherapistM.ScottPecksaidthattruelisteningrequiresasettingasideofoneself.Andsometimesthatmeanssettingasideyourpersonalopinion.Hesaidthatsensingthisacceptance,thespeakerwillbecomelessandlessvulnerableandmoreandmorelikelytoopenuptheinnerrecessesofhisorhermindtothelistener.Again,assumethatyouhavesomethingtolearn.05:51BillNye:"Everyoneyouwillevermeetknowssomethingthatyoudon't."Iputitthisway:Everybodyisanexpertinsomething.06:02Numberthree:Useopen-endedquestions.Inthiscase,takeacuefromjournalists.Startyourquestionswithwho,what,when,where,whyorhow.Ifyouputinacomplicatedquestion,you'regoingtogetasimpleanswerout.IfIaskyou,"Wereyouterrified?"you'regoingtorespondtothemostpowerfulwordinthatsentence,whichis"terrified,"andtheansweris"Yes,Iwas"or"No,Iwasn't.""Wereyouangry?""Yes,Iwasveryangry."Letthemdescribeit.They'retheonesthatknow.Tryaskingthemthingslike,"Whatwasthatlike?""Howdidthatfeel?"Becausethentheymighthavetostopforamomentandthinkaboutit,andyou'regoingtogetamuchmoreinterestingresponse.06:39Numberfour:Gowiththeflow.Thatmeansthoughtswillcomeintoyourmindandyouneedtoletthemgooutofyourmind.We'veheardinterviewsofteninwhichaguestistalkingforseveralminutesandthenthehostcomesbackinandasksaquestionwhichseemslikeitcomesoutofnowhere,orit'salreadybeenanswered.Thatmeansthehostprobablystoppedlisteningtwominutesagobecausehethoughtofthisreallycleverquestion,andhewasjustboundanddeterminedtosaythat.Andwedotheexactsamething.We'resittingtherehavingaconversationwithsomeone,andthenwerememberthattimethatwemetHughJackmaninacoffeeshop.07:16(Laughter)07:17Andwestoplistening.Storiesandideasaregoingtocometoyou.Youneedtoletthemcomeandletthemgo.07:25Numberfive:Ifyoudon'tknow,saythatyoudon'tknow.Now,peopleontheradio,especiallyonNPR,aremuchmoreawarethatthey'regoingontherecord,andsothey'remorecarefulaboutwhattheyclaimtobeanexpertinandwhattheyclaimtoknowforsure.Dothat.Erronthesideofcaution.Talkshouldnotbecheap.07:45Numbersix:Don'tequateyourexperiencewiththeirs.Ifthey'retalkingabouthavinglostafamilymember,don'tstarttalkingaboutthetimeyoulostafamilymember.Ifthey'retalkingaboutthetroublethey'rehavingatwork,don'ttellthemabouthowmuchyouhateyourjob.It'snotthesame.Itisneverthesame.Allexperiencesareindividual.And,moreimportantly,itisnotaboutyou.Youdon'tneedtotakethatmomenttoprovehowamazingyouareorhowmuchyou'vesuffered.SomebodyaskedStephenHawkingoncewhathisIQwas,andhesaid,"Ihavenoidea.PeoplewhobragabouttheirIQsarelosers."08:20(Laughter)08:22Conversationsarenotapromotionalopportunity.08:27Numberseven:Trynottorepeatyourself.It'scondescending,andit'sreallyboring,andwetendtodoitalot.Especiallyinworkconversationsorinconversationswithourkids,wehaveapointtomake,sowejustkeeprephrasingitoverandover.Don'tdothat.08:45Numbereight:Stayoutoftheweeds.Frankly,peopledon'tcareabouttheyears,thenames,thedates,allthosedetailsthatyou'restrugglingtocomeupwithinyourmind.Theydon'tcare.Whattheycareaboutisyou.Theycareaboutwhatyou'relike,whatyouhaveincommon.Soforgetthedetails.Leavethemout.09:07Numbernine:Thisisnotthelastone,butitisthemostimportantone.Listen.Icannottellyouhowmanyreallyimportantpeoplehavesaidthatlisteningisperhapsthemost,thenumberonemostimportantskillthatyoucoulddevelop.Buddhasaid,andI'mparaphrasing,"Ifyourmouthisopen,you'renotlearning."AndCalvinCoolidgesaid,"Nomaneverlistenedhiswayoutofajob."09:31(Laughter)09:33Whydowenotlistentoeachother?Numberone,we'drathertalk.WhenI'mtalking,I'mincontrol.Idon'thavetohearanythingI'mnotinterestedin.I'mthecenterofattention.Icanbolstermyownidentity.Butthere'sanotherreason:Wegetdistracted.Theaveragepersontalksatabout225wordperminute,butwecanlistenatupto500wordsperminute.Soourmindsarefillinginthoseother275words.Andlook,Iknow,ittakeseffortandenergytoactuallypayattentiontosomeone,butifyoucan'tdothat,you'renotinaconversation.You'rejusttwopeopleshoutingoutbarelyrelatedsentencesinthesameplace.10:13(Laughter)10:15Youhavetolistentooneanother.StephenCoveysaiditverybeautifu